After the end of her relationship, lasted many years, Litz had taken some time to rationalize what she wanted from the dating scene and she had come to the following conclusions:
- The coffee: the perfect first date when you don’t know each other or you meet for the first time. It is short enough if the person is ugly or weird and leaves room for an invitation to drink if it goes really well.
- The walk in the park: romantic, but non-committal. If the guy proposes that, either he is very comfortable to talk with you or he plans to kiss you.
- The drink at night: this is advisable only if you know the guy and you are attracted by him. However, drinking something non-alcoholic becomes a must if you don’t want to risk to get too far too soon.
- The happy hour (or the best way to test boyfriend material): it doesn’t require as much effort and commitment as a dinner, but it shows how comfortable a guy is with you in public without post-date expectations.
- The dinner: the guy is looking for a relationship or hopes that buying you dinner allows him a post-date (how shallow). The first time it’s better to downscale the invitation to a happy hour.
Dating while travelling is definitely hard, but not impossible. Litz was very curious to date a local, but she didn’t know how. She didn’t trust giving her number to random Brazilian guys at parties. Rio de Janeiro was not a safe city and Brazilian culture about relationships was way too relaxed in comparison to European standards. It was fairly common, for example, to be asked for a kiss by a stranger at a party before he would even ask your name. Most of the times these guys had even a wife and kids. Local women were aggressively flirtatious as well. Litz saw a girl literally jumping on one of her blond-hair-blue-eyes friend at a pool party.
Litz couldn’t stand so much casualty, so one of her friends introduced her to the world of dating apps. At the beginning, Litz was very skeptical. She had always discarded it as just a quick way to find a one night stand. She discovered that it actually had become the modern way of dating, at an era when people simply don’t want to waste their precious limited free time to slowly get to know you (for more info, see the famous episode of Black Mirror).
After rejecting the weird, the needy and the horny ones, she began texting with a nice guy from Northern Rio, highly educated, passionate about music and politics. They arranged a Sunday afternoon coffee date in the city center.
Litz decided to wear a pair of short jeans and a silk blouse with flat sandals and a leather bag. It was not safe to wear jewels in Rio, so she put on just tiny earrings. She opted for nude make-up and no lipstick. She took a Uber to the center, because the metro was not safe for a foreigner. The city center was one of the most dangerous places for tourists, with its high density of poverty and micro-criminality.
At first sight, Litz noticed his lack of effort about wearing something nice. Red flag! A guy who is excited to meet you for the first time would put some effort on the way he appears. They went to the coffee place and…it was closed. Red flag! He should have checked that before. Everything was closed actually, apparently that area was pretty desolate on Sunday. They took a seat at a table of the only bar open, which didn’t even have coffee. Litz tried to stay optimistic and ordered some juice.
He spent a whole hour (or maybe two) telling her the history of Brazilian politics. Although she found the topic interesting and they had an insightful conversation about the similarities with other countries’ politics, Litz felt like she was attending a class. The waiter flirted with her and he went on talking without noticing. Red flag!
– How was your date? You must tell me everything!
Asked her friend later.
– He is ugly.
She never used a dating app again.
